 Photo by Trinity Moss on Unsplash I’m a seeker, and I bet you are too. I seek answers to questions about the meaning of life and how I can live my best life. I read books and articles and listen to podcasts. I constantly consume information on what the "right" ingredients are for my healthiest, happiest life and how I can make the biggest impact in the world. Years ago when I was a flight attendant for Continental Airlines, I was working a flight from Newark to D.C. The weather was stormy and had caused our flight to be delayed by several hours. At first, people waited in the boarding area, then, people waited on the plane at the gate, then, we closed the doors and pushed back and waited more. I was the lead flight attendant that day, the one making the announcements, and in charge of first class. There was one man in particular who got angrier with every minute we were delayed. He complained to us as if we were at fault, probably even shouting at us over the situation. When we finally took off, the captain made the announcement that there would be no service, and the flight attendants needed to stay seated for their safety. My jumpseat faced the first class cabin, and I could clearly see this man who had been angry for hours as we took off. From take off to landing, it was the most turbulent flight I had ever been on. What should have been a quick, 45 minute flight, took hours as we tried to avoid bigger pockets of air and then had to circle around before landing. You can guarantee that I had my four point seat belt on as tightly as possible. I took my book, “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl, out of my bag and I tried to read it on that bumpy flight. I'm not sure how much I read in those hours but I will always remember how pale our customer’s face was after takeoff, and how he loosened his tie, gripping his seat and hanging on for dear life. I thought to myself, “Now what matters? Does it matter that we were late? Or does it matter that we get there alive?” I kissed the floor of my apartment when I finally arrived back home many hours later that night. I was thankful to have made it back safely. I thought of Viktor Frankl’s words, and I pondered the meaning of my life, and I hoped that I could live a life worthy of each breath we get to take on this beautiful planet. Viktor Frankl was a Holocaust survivor and the creator of Logotherapy. He observed that people who had even one thing to live for held onto that meaning as a reason to live through the horrific experiences they were put through. Right now I’m thinking of the people in Syria and Turkiye who have survived for so many days under the rubble of the earthquake, most recently, a teenager was discovered alive 10 days after the earthquakes hit. What must they have been holding onto? And what is the meaning of life for them now? When I slow down to remember these things, it doesn’t matter so much to me that I get to contribute to bettering the world in the big ways I dream of. I just want to contribute. I want to wake up each day so full of gratitude and love that it’s as if a light is shining from inside of me and I get to spread that light to everyone I meet. I want to be the change I wish to see. I want to live from a place of abundance. I want to share with others that the meaning of life doesn't have to be complicated, it doesn't have to be a never-ending search or a final destination. This breath, these friends, this family, this community, is all I need. I can do good things, no matter what my job title is or what big things I accomplish to make the world a better place. Of course I’m still going to seek to make the biggest impact I possibly can on humanity and our precious planet but if I wake up everyday knowing that no matter what I accomplish, I belong, and I love this life, I’m bound to live a life full of purpose and contribution. Originally published on LinkedIn
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 Photo by Carolina Pimenta on Unsplash Hatred Judgment Division Fear These are the underlying afflictions causing dis-ease in people, negatively affecting communities, companies, and the health of our planet. Depression, anxiety, suicide, and mass shootings have become commonplace. Our “networks” reach far and wide and inundate us with an overwhelming amount of surface-level information about what’s going on in the world. These things take space in our consciousness, they dominate our mental realities. But what exists in the here and now? Whose lives do we touch on a daily basis and who do we know and love deeply? When we make goals for ourselves, how many of them exist in the metaverse of virtual reality, and how many exist in our tangible reality? These are the things I have been thinking about for the past year. One year ago, you could say I was going through a dark night of the soul. I had been laid off from a job and company I loved in a way that brought up past trauma. The hatred and division of the pandemic had left me feeling hopeless, with no light at the end of the tunnel. Humanity felt doomed. A blessing in disguise, my layoff allowed some space from the barrage of hate-filled news about people like me, once accepted and loved, now looked at like a leper, for a difference in spiritual beliefs about what I will or will not put into my body. Try as I might to find a new role and company, I was not hired for any role I applied for and the demons of self-doubt came with every silence after submitting a newly polished resume and meticulously crafted heart-felt cover letter. The steadfast support of my mother who invited me to move my daughter and myself in with her when I knew I wanted to start my MBA degree in 2021 and when my work was still remote after almost two years, was my saving grace. And throughout my MBA journey, I have also found hope in every course and every book that highlighted a new way of leading businesses. Certain books and authors I’ve discovered here on LinkedIn have given me hope that the world we really want to create for ourselves and each other is one filled with human-centered companies that see and honor each individual for all of who they are and how they contribute. One book I recently discovered, titled, “Love as a Business Strategy” (Anwar et al., 2021) solidified in my mind that our world is slowly awakening from the shadow of fear and is ready to choose love. I do have a place here. It is not too late for humanity. Looking back on this unusual year, I see that I was often lost in curating goals; which books to read to “know enough,” which additional trainings to take to be “good enough,” or which world problems to focus on solving to be “on brand” enough for my own life! And then I realized, I was focusing on the wrong things. While my intentions were good, it is too easy to turn Life Purpose into another thing to madly consume more knowledge on, or madly grow my network of people who must be better at said goal than me, all while feeling more empty the larger my surface-level connections and virtual network amassed to. Wiping the slate clean, removing the need for voracious consumption of all kinds, this year I have four goals or ways of being that I feel will lead me to a deeply fulfilling, peaceful, and purposeful life and I propose may change your life and business as well. My Four Intentions for 2023 1. Be Kind This virtue alone could be enough to transform our world as I see its revolutionary quality when used towards ourselves and others. Imagine a world where even bad news (like a layoff) was delivered with kindness… Imagine the effect of public education on children where teachers were always kind, no matter how frustrated they became… 2. Slow Down (Be intentional with time) What would it be like to approach life with a keen awareness of how we invest our time, developing a slowed-down intention of being 100% present and committed to the activities we choose to fill our days with? Imagine the deep satisfaction felt with this level of intention. 3. Simplify Now fully aware of how we spend our days, with the goal of being intentional with our time, we may become aware that not all goals/purchases/activities align with how we want our slowed-down lives to feel. Simplifying or pruning every area of our life, from business activities and goals to the number of things we own will provide the space for mental clarity and peace and the ability to invest in what will have the biggest impact for ourselves and others. 4. Savor Magic, wonder, awe, beauty. They are all around us at all times. With an intention to savor life more, we will notice the beauty and talent in the people we work with, in our quirky family or neighbors, and with all things that make up our present realities. We will enjoy this moment or simply value it for what it brings to our lives even if it is challenging, because, we have an awareness that this moment will soon pass. I still don’t know exactly what my future holds, but after a year of soul (and job) searching I’ve gained clarity on the goals that matter. Operating with these intentions and living my truth will lead me to the right people at the right times. I am here for a purpose, I have unique gifts and perspectives from a life path that is 100% mine and that I have no regrets about. (Thank you April Rinne for inviting me to see my career as a portfolio, full of unique accomplishments). Yes, the world is full of problems and we can all get overwhelmed with fear, anger, and judgment. And, there is hope for all of us. We can work together to heal our workplaces, heal our political divides, and leave judgment and shaming behind us. The first step? Be kind.  Photo by Sasha Freemind on Unsplash It was my near breakdown that brought me to this moment, in this room being interviewed for a job that I had no idea would change my life.
I had been working two jobs while also trying to build a coaching business supporting families in the revolutionary way I knew that new families needed to be supported. I was alone, with my 5-year-old daughter, overwhelmed with the reality of being a sole provider, parent, friend, cleaner, cook, creative entrepreneur, and employee. There were dirty dishes all over the kitchen, clutter and toys all over our tiny living room/my office and stuffed animals were littering the floor of our shared basement bedroom. I called my mom in desperation after judging myself harshly for the mess all around. I shouted to her like a wounded animal that clearly, I was not capable of being a good mother, not capable of providing enough for us in order for me to let a little stress go. I wasn’t sure if I could pay my rent and my motivation to promote my business felt like a flame growing smaller and dimmer every day. I wailed that I never got a break, I had been my daughter's sole caregiver her whole life, and I never got any time to myself. She needed me to be grounded for her, why did I repeatedly fail miserably with that seemingly simple task? All the little stressors that had built up in me for months exploded like a volcano as I shouted and cried over the phone to my mom how horrible life was, how I didn’t have enough hours at the hospital teaching childbirth classes, my marketing job hours had been cut, I felt like I couldn’t survive, and worst of all, I shouted, my daughter didn't help me. No matter how hard I tried to encourage my child to help me clean up the toys, she didn’t. My daughter was in the other room but had heard it all. I was angry, overwhelmed and scared, my feelings about our life at that moment were not permanent. I needed to release them so I could find a way to pick myself up and keep moving. She didn't know that. At the time, neither did I. Not many days after that, during our bedtime routine, my sweet 5-year-old girl insisted we call an ambulance. Her heart felt funny, she felt like she couldn’t breathe. Her breaths were shaky and rushed. As she peered up at me I still remember the look in her eyes, she was scared, and so was I. After waiting in the emergency room for hours, the EKG was finally back. It turned out she was “fine.” No heart problems, not of the physical kind anyway. But that night was the first of many months of anxiety-ridden bedtimes and my search for something that could cure my baby. Our routine of brushing teeth, reading stories, and singing songs would inevitably be interrupted by her intrusive thoughts. They were so vivid, they were beyond her years, beyond anything she’d been exposed to, and always about death. My heart was breaking. I researched day and night to find ways to combat her anxiety. I knew I was stressed, but I didn’t make the connection from my stress to her fear until we sought out the help of an energy healer whom my sister found and arranged for me. This healer was able to uncover the cause of my daughter’s anxiety in a few well-posed child-friendly questions. To my complete horror, her answers revealed that she had internalized my meltdown that night and now carried the belief and worry that she was useless and unwanted. I was the cause of my baby’s suffering. My toxic stress. My fear for our own survival. My fear that I would get sick and not be able to take care of her because I couldn’t afford health insurance. My fear that I couldn’t keep paying the rent, that I would have to move our lives, again. My meltdown had left the ground under her unstable and changed the world into a scary place. Worst of all, she felt like it was all her fault and I didn’t love her or want her. Fast forward to this interview room. I’m on one side of the table in this dimly lit, tight room with two Parent Educators and the Supervisor of the program on the other side. Supportive people in my life like my sister had encouraged me to look for employment and a regular 9-5 so I could relieve the stress that was destroying me and my family. While I felt like a warrior retreating from her most heartfelt cause, I looked for full-time employment and started to share with my friends what I was dreaming of. A place where I could still feel like I was somehow working towards my dreams, a place that was family-friendly and understanding of single parents, and my desire to be there for my child when she needed me. Like a little miracle, my friend Joy told me about an organization she thought I’d love to work for. At first, they did not have a position I was qualified for, but months later I went back to their website and saw a job posting that gave my soul a glimmer of hope. When I read the description and looked up the curriculum that the Parent Educators used, I couldn’t believe it. It was so similar to what I was trying to create in my struggling coaching business. And it was a guaranteed paycheck, with benefits. I was thrilled to make it to the second interview. There was a benefit listed on the posting that I wanted to know more about, so in that interview, I mustered the courage to ask: “What does the benefit, “self-care” mean?” To which my future supervisor answered, “Unlimited, unaccrued, paid time off.” My eyes must have opened wider with a confused look on my face because she went on to explain, “Basically, we believe that people who work for this organization do so because they care about what they do. We know that everyone wants to do their best to serve our community and so we respect the needs of the employee to take time off when they need it, whether that is to prevent burn-out or to support your family, it doesn’t matter.” She went on to explain that the ‘unaccrued’ part meant that the benefit started right away. I tried to hide my emotions, I tried to hide that nearly 6 years of stress was ready to start melting off my weary body with this revolutionary concept of unwavering support and trust of an employee to know when they needed to take care of themselves and the golden permission to do so. I am sure I teared up as I said my final word in that interview of just how passionate I was about providing parents support in the way that I could as a Parent Educator with their organization and how much I wanted to be a part of such an incredible place. Internally I was shouting, “Hire me! Please hire me!!” Fast forward to today. It’s been 2 and a half years. With the help of my colleagues, I’ve made it through my daughter adjusting to a new school and town and slowly but surely kicking anxiety’s butt, and even harder events like my father getting leukemia and dying less than a year later. And of course, wading through the altered realities of a global pandemic, as we all are... While sometimes I feel like I am going crazy working from home while my daughter does school online, barely getting out of the house for nearly the past year, I am unendingly grateful for the heartfelt, revolutionary leadership and support of an organization that has changed my life. When the pandemic hit, our organization’s focus was not only on the communities we serve but equally important, the humans who are behind the service. To ensure that we could continue serving families AND that as few employee lives would be disrupted as possible, leadership decided to sell one of our office buildings and use the money to retain our workforce, no matter how diminished our caseloads might become. Each week when our team gets together via zoom for a weekly meeting, and every other week when I have reflective supervision with my supervisor, I feel supported and held, seen and heard, no matter where I am at or what I am going through. I am always guided to grow and learn while respecting my needs and allowing for the nourishment of my soul. I couldn’t have dreamt up a better place to be a part of and it is my dream to one day share these world-changing concepts and values with other organizations and schools. Can you imagine what the world would be like if every person was held and supported to grow into the best version of themselves by their employers? Imagine your organization embodying these values and practices: Relationship-based: Building relationships is at the core of the organization’s operations and is the lens through which all actions are filtered. Reflective practice: The ability to reflect on one's actions so as to engage in a process of continuous learning. (Source) Strengths-Based Coaching: Identifying strengths and the innate knowledge of the employee and helping them build upon those strengths to reach their full potential in their work and in life. Intent-Based Leadership: Every employee contributing to and taking responsibility for the organization’s success and how the mission is accomplished (through activities such as Continuous Quality Improvement teams and an Annual Empowerment Survey where the vision of all employees for the organization is asked for and valued). Creative Democracy: Creative Democracy brings people together to build stronger communities by combining artistic vision, effective planning, and broad and inclusive public participation. It clears the way for many viewpoints to be heard and allows the community to build on the best ideas by imagining new solutions that are good for the whole community. When we bring people together like this, they come up with solutions that effective, durable, and build long-lasting connection. Trauma-Informed: “Trauma-Informed Care is a strengths-based framework that is grounded in an understanding of and responsiveness to the impact of trauma…that emphasizes physical, psychological, and emotional safety for both providers and survivors…and, that creates opportunities for survivors to rebuild a sense of control and empowerment.” (Hopper, Bassuk & Olivet, 2010, pg. 82) Reflective Supervision: The regular collaborative reflection between a service provider (clinical or other) and supervisor that builds on the superviser's use of her thoughts, feelings, and values within a service encounter. (source) Restorative Practice: a paradigm in which the attention is put on relationships, constructive communication, self-regulation and repairing harm. It is a way of thinking and being focused on creating safe spaces for real conversations that deepen relationships and build stronger more connected communities. The fundamental hypothesis of restorative practice is that human beings are happier, more cooperative and productive, and more likely to make positive changes in their behavior when those positions of authority do things with them, rather than to or for them. (IIRP & Mark Vander Vennen) Self-Care: An employee benefit that allows for the employee to know when they need to take time off, doing so in a responsible way to ensure program requirements are still met. Also, the ability to take longer periods of time to care for a family member, to grieve a death, or recover from an illness with absolute support to take the time each individual needs. Can you imagine if these were the philosophies of every American organization when the COVID-19 pandemic hit? I imagine if they were, we could have more easily focused on helping ensure the safety of vulnerable populations through job security and community support. We could have also ensured that people who felt like they might be getting sick would stay home knowing that they could trust that they would still be supported by their employer and not be penalized. Imagine if most of the collateral damage our whole planet has suffered from widespread shutdowns did not happen (small businesses lost forever, increased youth suicide and increased intimate partner violence, developing countries diving deeper into poverty with the loss of tourism and trade, decades of girls and youth education progress reversed and possibly halted for generations to come)? Imagine instead that our children were able to go to school this whole time with increased safety measures to prevent the spread of COVID like mask-wearing and hand washing, instead of being filled with anxiety and stuck at home for a whole year (and counting) wondering when the life they loved will ever return to them? I know that my dream may sound like a Utopia. And that what I propose is only one part of a very complex puzzle. I also know that now is the perfect time to fight for systemic change that values all people’s lives and well-being. I am grateful for my work and that I can be a supportive presence in the lives of the families I serve, who without this support, this year more than ever, would be in a very different place. And I am eager for more people to know and understand how powerful these concepts are. I see the butterfly effect it would have on every aspect of our culture and communities when implemented into our workplaces. Dream with me. The better future we seek is attainable with small courageous actions taken by people just like you. Share this article with your employer to get the conversation started. Let’s make this world a more loving, caring place by adopting values that honor the humanity of each individual, making this world a better place for all. My dear friends, I owe you an update on how my first Half Marathon went. :) It's interesting to me that my life experiences seem to happen in cycles. At this same time of year, around the same day as the Half Marathon, 6 years ago, I was starting another kind of Marathon: Labor. It was the first time I experienced with full-force, the power of the Mind-Body connection. My visions for my birth, a peaceful and calm waterbirth at the birth center in the woods, slowly started to fade when my water broke with a gush as the first sign of labor with no contractions for several hours. I had a clock ticking with only 24 hours to give birth in the undisturbed way I had hoped for without interventions. (Due to risk of infection, most care providers want babies to be born within 24 hours of the bag of waters breaking). After having worked hard to get my contractions going, I was excited for my daughter's birth and felt I was in hard labor before going back to the birth center with only a few hours left on the clock. And then my midwife gave me the disappointing news, I was only dilated 1 cm. I was devastated. It was on the ride from the birth center to the hospital, my last chance for no interventions, that I finally went deep within. I stopped "doing" and fully believed. I believed that my body could give birth, I believed that I wouldn't need interventions and I visualized it all happening. I visualized softening, opening, letting go. Over, and over and over. Open, open, open. It was almost like I was in a trance. My contractions were strong, and the doctor at the hospital decided to wait on pitocin to see how things progressed. I remember feeling relieved, I had more time. I continued to visualize. I asked my daughter for her help. I was completely immersed in the surreal and ethereal feelings of labor. I was in the present moment, in total surrender. 2 short hours later, I wanted to get in the tub for pain relief. My midwife checked me, and to her surprise, I was almost fully dilated. I began to push a few minutes later, and met my daughter not long after that. The rush of endorphins, the sense of accomplishment, the complete and absolute love I felt for my daughter and absolute empowerment from birth was like nothing I'd ever experienced before. I immediately felt connected to a secret tribe of mothers. I gained an understanding of the quiet strength and resilience that mothers embody all around the world. On race day, I had similar thoughts and emotions rush through my veins. This time, my daughter was waiting for me at the finish line. Those last few miles were tough, but I knew I could do it. I believed I could do it. I went within to find my own strength and drew strength from all of the mothers (starting with the one next to me, thanks, Cindy!!) and aunties and grandmothers and sisters (and all the good men too!) around me and around the world. I thought about all of the Mamas I was running for on Team Every Mother Counts and how far they have to walk to get to a healthcare facility when they are in labor. I ran for their safe pregnancies and their safe births. I thought of my daughter's relatives in Tanzania, her cousins and aunties, and their safety. And I just kept telling myself, "You can do it, you ARE doing it. Your body was made for this. Your muscles know what to do." And there she was, as I came close to the finish line, my baby girl (my nearly 6 year old baby girl), and her auntie, my best friend and wise sage, Heather, and to my surprise, my brother-in-law Fantin and my mom Judy as well. It felt so good to be supported and cheered on. It felt so good to be acknowledged. There is nothing I would trade in the world for that love. I have so much more to say about this. This is only the beginning of this story. I'm looking forward to getting stronger, and stronger. Faster and more resilient. I look forward to joining Team Every Mother Counts again and running in more Half Marathons and one day, a Full Marathon. Kilimanjaro?? We shall see. THANK YOU for ALL of your support! I have really, really appreciated the encouragement and kind words! Thank you to all of you who were able to make a donation to my fundraiser for Every Mother Counts. I am only $5 away from reaching my goal of $500! If you feel called to donate to a very worthy cause, the link is still live: https://www.crowdrise.com/seattle-marathon-and-half-marathon/fundraiser/rebeccablankinship Much, much, much Love. Mama Nunu  |
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